How to Attract and Retain a Good Guy

Every girl dreams of ending up with a prince charming and creating endless memories. She hopes the man she settles for will offer a sound friendship and graduate to a soul mate. Sometimes you try so hard to be your best and do everything possible only to lose the man to a girl who doesn’t make half the effort. Do men really care about good relationships?

Yes! Unlike the common belief that men don’t care about relationships, they also do. They treasure having a woman they can call ‘mine’. They may not be as emotional as women are but men love being in love. They also fancy having a ‘trophy’ woman. A woman they are proud of and one who makes them feel settled.

To attract and retain a good guy, you need to know the needs of your man and strive to meet them. Most of these needs are emotional and a man may not tell you openly what he wants but you can learn one step at a time as you get to know them. There are certain characters and habits that men generally look for in a woman. Some of these include being principled, decisive, truthful, kind, and versatile. 

But why is it that even though men need a woman, they find it hard to stay in a relationship? How can a woman attract and retain a man? Before anything else, is he showing signs of being in love? If he is, read on.

Top 7 “Things” That Attract a Man

1.    Beauty

Just like women, men are attracted to a person who looks great. Everyone has their tastes and preferences but there is something we have in common. Ladies notice men who make an effort to dress well and maintain their bodies. We are attracted to people who have class and charm. Compliment this with a smile and you will adore the results.

2.    Confidence

Confidence is like a wedding gown, everybody notices you when you wear it. It is beauty plus elegance. Whenever you are confident, you stand out from the crowd.

3.    Kindness

A man looks forward to going home because it’s his haven. It’s the place where he releases his tensions; he is his truest self, and he is accepted for who he is. Whenever life beats him up, he can find solace at home. He is looking for a kind girl who will be a shoulder to lean on even when he least deserves it. A woman who makes her man feel cared for is a keeper.

4.    Versatility

Most men admit to loving order, but not nearly as much as they love a spontaneous woman. They do not want to be limited to a certain way of doing things. They desire a woman who adapts easily to change – new ways of doing things. A versatile woman is more fun to be with. She is open to taking risks and also easier to live with.

5.    Self-worth

Would you be comfortable being in a relationship with a person that has low self-esteem? One who disrespects you and keeps making you feel inferior? No! You have to love yourself enough to disallow him from mistreating you. A good guy appreciates a woman who can say no and walk away from uncomfortable situations. Don’t be the doormat kind of girl and expect him to love you for it.

6.    Excellence

A good guy is attracted to a woman who upholds high standards and requires the same of him. He doesn’t want someone who will let him wallow and complain non-stop. You also don’t want to settle for mediocrity, do you? If you don’t like something, push for change. Advance, become better, pursue excellence.

7.    A positive attitude

Nothing puts off a man like a negative attitude, always seeing the wrong in things. A woman who wants to retain a man must be willing to view challenges as opportunities for growth. She must refrain from complaining. If there’s an issue, raise it in in a bid to look for a solution but don’t whine about it day and night.

20 ‘Ways’ To Keep a Man Interested

You may have the right character but fail at retaining your guy. Why? You ask because you are not doing these things. Here are the top-most ‘must-do things’ to keep a man’s attention.

1.    Cultivate your happiness

Be cheerful and let your happiness be evident. Real happiness cannot be feigned.

2.    Value his time

Unfortunately, most women are poor time managers and this extends to their relationships as well. Why does it seem normal for you to keep your date waiting for an hour? Isn’t that uncouth?

You may have attracted him but with this habit, you will lose him faster than you got him. If you have to retain him, you can’t continue showing up late, canceling your plans last minute, or being with him yet your concentration is elsewhere.

3.    Have some principles and stand by them

Saying yes all the time seems the noblest way of maintaining a relationship but nothing could be further from the truth. You need to be self-aware, have boundaries and principles that guide you. If you don’t drink, for instance, you don’t have to drink to avoid saying no. Stand your ground and politely decline.

If he is a good man, he will respect you and your stand. Sometimes he may not understand it but he knows that if you can stand by your choices, you can defend your relationship when the need arises. You do not need to stick around a guy who disrespects you and your opinions.

4.    Remain truthful

Lies destroy trust; you cannot sustain a relationship by deceiving your way into someone’s heart. Besides, the truth will find its way out – at the most unexpected time. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. I’m not suggesting you pour out your family tree’s secrets on your dates, I’m simply asking that you be authentic.

5.    Keep your ex and his memories away

Sometimes we expect too much from these men. You want to talk about your ex through and through as if your boyfriend must re-live your memories with you. Get over it! It’s over, there’s a new guy in your life. Start creating new memories and set aside the old ones. He knows you have a past but he wants you to value your present.

6.    Be respectful

Being respectful will attract him more to you than your figure, your words, or your smile. Men love to be honored. In their world, a respectful woman is an asset. Whether it’s respect towards pets, the undeserving neighbor, his lousy relatives, or strangers.

7.    Be decisive

There is a classic belief that girls say no when they mean yes. I don’t want to sound biased but this is somewhat true. Most women say they are alright in a conversation or after an argument when it’s mostly the opposite. They are pissed off, disheartened, and on the verge of tears.

I know that because I have witnessed it uncountable times. Guys, on the other hand, feel like the matter is resolved once you say you are alright. So, when you bring up the issue again, they don’t get it. It tires and disconnects them. They want you to say what you feel right then, talk about it, and resolve the issue.

8.    Have a life

Good guys are attracted to women who have their life already in motion. A girl who has no life of her own is too dependent. They tend to be overbearing and insecure. They have time to scrutinize their man’s life, gather too much detail and this can result in unnecessary fights.

On the contrary, a busy woman has a lot more to identify with than her man. This makes her attractive and fun to be with.

9.    Try and keep the pace

Dating is complicated at times. Imagine how this guy sweeps you off your feet, leaves you breathless, and clears your memory of everything else but him. After causing this ‘damage’, he walks around soberly, looking innocent as if nothing is happening.

Meanwhile, you are on cloud nine, all your girlfriends know his character, your siblings know all his names but he’s yet to tell his boys. You feel like betraying him by shouting on the rooftops but he thinks you should take it slow.

Pick his pace and balance out your emotions. Being far ahead of him will put pressure on him and men dislike that. Don’t suffocate him with your presence, calls, and text messages. Spare him the agony and let him fall in love with you at his pace.

10.   Let him pursue you and take the lead in the relationship

He is the leader in the relationship; give him the room to lead. I am not suggesting you don’t take charge as a woman, I mean you should trust him to take you to a level where you are both free and happy.

Whenever you take control of the relationship, you make your man feel inferior. Step back a bit and let him initiate dates, conversations, plans, and introductions. You are more attractive when you compliment him than when you struggle to lead with him.

11.   Be his support system

Each one of us has faults. Faults enough to keep us single for a lifetime. The difference between a girl who is a keeper and one who is not is that the keeper celebrates her man’s successes and refuses to magnify his faults. This way, the man feels confident to express himself fully without fear of being judged.

12.  Accept him as he is

Acceptance reveals the magic in us because we are set free to exercise our full potential. Avoid comparing him with other men. He probably does that to himself a lot already. Comparing him to other men will make him miserable. He will lose focus and lack motivation for pursuing his goals.

In case you compare yourself to other women, stop. The only person you should compare yourself with is the better version of yourself.

13. Have a signature scent

I don’t know if science supports this but guys have a secret attraction to a woman who has a scent they like. When you use a certain perfume for so long, when people smell it they smell you.

14.  Stroke his ego

I don’t know a man who does not have an ego. It’s their second nature so stop fighting it. Instead, appreciate it and use it as a tool to get to his heart. Stroking a man’s heart is easy, first, compliment his car. I can promise you that alone may earn you a gift. Men adore their cars.

Secondly, make him feel important. Show him you need him by asking you to help you with handy tasks. Thirdly, praise him. Men have a soft spot for praises even when they are un-due. Expressing how significant he is to you-especially in public will endear you to him. He will feel honored.

15.  Do not criticize him

Appreciate him instead. If in case he fixed your hair but they are still wobbly, appreciate first. Tell him, “thanks for fixing my hair. They need a bit of tightening but they are much better.” Avoid showing him how incompetent he is (even if he is). You have better chances of retaining him if you validate him.

16.  Help him to tap into his emotional self

Tapping into a man’s emotional side helps him unveil the power within. Pamper him and let him feel special whenever he is with you. Flirt with him and create special moments. The urge to feel special and cared for will make him desire to spend more time with you.

17.   Support his purpose

Men have one weakness when they focus on a goal; they put everything aside and give that one thing their all. Unfortunately, that means that you are also sidelined. Will you give him room to pursue his dream or will you nag him day and night? Making demands, and complaining he has become distant?

When a man feels you are supporting his greater purpose, he relates being the best version of himself with being around you. Express support by asking him why he does what he does, why he does it, and what drives him,

18.  Maintain a degree of secrecy

If you want to pour out all your secrets on the first date, that’s okay. But there is a small problem; this will not rob him of the excitement of seeking to know you. Being a little mysterious spice a relationship, men are curious in nature so they enjoy discovering you bit by bit.

Some details like those of your major achievements are sweeter while he discovers on his own.

19.  Don’t be overly available

Everybody craves a little space, to unwind, to re-energize, or just be. Don’t prolong your visits until he suggests that it’s time for you to leave. Avoid following him everywhere he goes; give him room to miss you. Have brief dates so he is left hanging with an urge to spend more time with you.

20.  Stand by him through the hard days

We all have difficult days, for instance, when we lose a loved one, fail at an interview, or lose business. Men usually act as if everything is okay even when they desperately need someone to talk to. It is your role to read his reactions and discern the time he needs to talk.

The beautiful thing is that women are good at nurturing by nature. You only need to be available and willing to offer a shoulder to lean on.

How to lose the interest of a good guy

Before I sign out, I want to leave you with 5 things that will turn away that good guy you are dating.

1.    Entitlement

The good guys have no room for a girl who demands presents, money to pay bills, and luxuries. He wants to provide for you but you got to appreciate that he does it out of goodwill, do not coerce him. As earlier mentioned, let him take the lead in the relationship and also appreciate whatever he does for you.

2.    Bickering

Why do you want to make a big deal out of everything? If you don’t agree with him, express it calmly. You don’t have to quarrel with him like a child.

3.    Suffocating him

You don’t have to go everywhere he goes or talk to him all day. You will overwhelm him with your presence. Give him room to miss you.

4.    Competing with him

Even in the rare cases where you are working in the office and you have the same targets, a man gets offended when his woman acts like one of his boys; trying to outshine him.

5.    Acting desperate

Avoid looking desperate for your man. Regardless of how deeply you are in need, don’t behave like a victim. Let him be your support system but don’t burden him with your misfortunes. Let other friends and family members support as well.


Meeting your match isn’t obvious, treasure that good guy. If you feel the relationship is not working, leave, or work it out through a counselor. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship.

Check out How to Tell Someone How You Feel About Them


How to Know If Someone Cares About You


Am a graduate sociologist and a regular contributor to national publications such as the American Journal of Economics and Sociology, Journal of Applied Social Science and the Annual Review of Sociology.

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