What to Do When He Pulls Away and Comes Back

A woman thrives on having a sense of security. What’s the essence of having a relationship with a man who is not loyal? I deeply desire a man who will stick through the storms, the ecstasies’, and the in-betweens. When a man pulls away, it is disheartening. You question your character, your choices, and your actions. Then when he comes back, you are in a dilemma!

When someone pulls away and comes back, you have control over your decisions. Ask yourself what brought him back and why the timing. Don’t just say yes with all the concerns and questions. Have a dialogue on what he wants, set boundaries. This depends on the nature of your relationship and your expectations as well as his. Be open-minded and give him room to explain himself. If the relationship was draining you and you are not satisfied with his explanations, don’t be afraid to let him go. Accept that you deserve better and move on.

6 Reasons Why Men Pull Away

1.      He is under pressure

Pressure at work or life in general makes men pull away.

2.      Your goals are not aligned

He wants a casual relationship while you are pushing for a serious one

3.      His feelings fizzled out

4.      He is deeply attracted to you

If you are extremely attractive men may be afraid of falling too much in love and avoid commitment.

5.      He is having an affair

6.      Both of you are not a match

What To Do When Someone from Your Past Comes Back

I have always believed there are only two kinds of men, mature and immature. The mature man hardly ghosts out of a relationship and if they do, there is a reason and they can point it out. Sometimes they end the relationship officially.

Then there is the immature man who thrives on fun, for this one, leave your doors open because they will pull away and come back more times than you can count.

As I have highlighted, the decision depends on the type of man you are dealing with and the type of relationship you have. Let’s explore some of these to help you re-evaluate your status.

What to do when he pulls away from a casual relationship

This is a caliber of men that never grow up. They are always looking for fun in relationships and ghost out as they wish. To them, it’s never that serious. If you are the cautious type, they have no time to wait for you to figure your feelings. They expect you to be open-minded and dive right in. if they walk away, they expect that you will chase after them or just get the hint and move on.

It’s unfortunate that they happen to be the most charming thus land on sweet innocent ladies. As soon as they have tasted the juice, they want out. If they realize you like them, they will lead you on and leave when the relationship starts to show signs of seriousness. They have no remorse so they mostly leave without explanations.

You will know them because they are overly nice, they promise more than they can deliver and they are always inclined to the fun side of the relationship.

If this is the man you are dealing with, run, run my girl and never look back! He will squeeze every ounce of ‘juice’ in you and disappear. If he comes back, it’s only because he is broke, bored, or lonely. He misses the fun you had together but when your friendship starts getting real again, he will get ‘busy’, again. Spare yourself the agony, let go and disconnect from him completely.

What to do when he pulls away from a Serious relationship

It is possible that the man you are dating cares about you and is genuinely interested in a long term relationship but he is wounded. If he was cheated on, he could be quite vulnerable. He is super sensitive to any new friend you have thus he could even be jealous of your close colleagues, neighbors, gym mates, anybody. This means he can easily pull away because he is still dealing with his past and he still has fears.

If he is the one who was cheating, guilt can make him pull away but because he still craves for attention. He will keep coming back. It could have been a one-time fall-out or it is his lifestyle. People with low self-esteem tend to seek attention throughout and sometimes it just happens to be their lifestyle.

When He pulls away after a long term relationship

You are married or you have been with this man for years, why would he pull away? Most importantly, he has come and wants you to ‘bury the hatchet’.

Sometimes life demands overwhelm us. Workload, new developments, and family demands can put pressure on a man and make him withdraw either knowingly or unknowingly. He may just be looking for some distraction – a way to release stress. He still cares deeply about you.

You will know this kind of man because he still fulfills his obligations and when called upon, he creates time for you or your family. You are better placed to embrace his comeback if you are aware of your needs and his needs. This way, you will not personalize issues.

When he comes back, find a suitable time to dialogue, away from life’s distractions. Give him room to open up on what he was going through. Assess the situation and see if you can handle his return. Probably you are already in another relationship. Let him know.

If you still there waiting for his turn-around, congratulations! He’s back. Affirm him and also let him know how his drawing away affects you. Let the conversation be two-sided and solution-oriented.

Final note

The most important fact to remember is that you are special and you deserve love, security, and happiness. If the man you are taking back does not offer you that, let him go. Wait to connect with a man who respects you and your values.

When Someone Falls Out Of Love with You

Find out How to Know If Someone Cares About You


How To Tell Someone To Leave You Alone


Am a graduate sociologist and a regular contributor to national publications such as the American Journal of Economics and Sociology, Journal of Applied Social Science and the Annual Review of Sociology.

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