Is it true that no one likes you or it’s just a delusion? Maybe you are overthinking things and being your own critic is not helping. But, let’s assume for a moment it is true; indeed ‘NOBODY LIKES YOU!’ Where do you go from here? Whine about it? Unfortunately, this has never worked for anyone as much as that’s what most people choose to do.
When someone makes you feel worthless you may feel unloved and lonely. But, where do you begin? In most scenarios, the problem is hidden within and it’s how you resolve it that determines whether the situation will be reversed or not.
When no one likes you, decide to take action. Find out why nobody likes you. This will require you to interrogate your inner self, your environment, your daily activities, and your sources of influence. Be intentional; make deliberate efforts to focus inwards. Remember, you have no control over other people’s perceptions of you, but you have control over how you see yourself, how you feel, and how you react. Invest in yourself and let your star shine from the inside. The rest will flow.
Author Tim Sanders in his book ‘The likeability factor’ teaches us how to increase one’s likeability by improving the critical elements that dictate our personality. Some of these elements include friendliness, realness, relevance, and empathy. He emphasizes that being authentic, open, and connected to other people’s needs and interests greatly attracts people to you.
When you acknowledge other people’s feelings and show concern, you live a healthier life; you handle life’s challenges more gracefully and excel in whatever you do. You become a better leader and impact others immensely. But what do you do when you realize people don’t like you?
Here is a step by step guide on what you should do when no one likes you at home, at school and in the office.
5 Things To Do When Someone Hates You
1. Accept there’s a problem
The natural way of dealing with problems is by rationalizing them, shifting blame, grumbling, and blabbering about them. We do all this while hoping for a miraculous escape. Unfortunately, when we wake up with a hangover the next day, the issue is still there glaring at us.
The problem with blaming others is that we keep giving away our primary power over to our fears. The more we yield to this fear, the more we complain. This only makes us notice more rejection instances. Stop excusing others for mistreating you and declare ‘war’. Accept there is a problem and decide to take action.
2. Rediscover yourself (self-evaluation)
Do you realize that people are not obligated to like you? Even though being in a friendly environment benefits us all, we are not under any law to like each other. This means it’s perfectly okay for someone to reject you, isolate you, and act like you do not exist.
I learned a long time ago that people’s reactions towards me have little to do with who I am and how I act. It is almost entirely about the state of their heart. With that discovery, you can now re-channel your energy to discovering what it is that they don’t like about you? Do you need to alter your character? Why does their opinion about you matter? Can you do without their attention?
All these questions help you to decide on what’s next. Here are more questions that will guide you into taking action. They include; who am I? What do I want? What are my preferences and values? Which areas of my life can I improve? What characters do I admire that I need to cultivate in my life? If you can answer these questions honestly and purposefully, then this next step will be easy and fruitful.
Wait a minute; what if people don’t like you indeed and show it openly? For instance through bullying, either cyberbullying or face to face? Watering down your ideas? Being rude and disrespectful, abusing you physically? What can you do?
Whenever pain is involved, healing is always the first step to recovery. Other actions such as reporting harmful actions to seniors, facing the bully, and warning them, blocking communication on social media and other mediums can help you get started on recovery. You can also try to keep off the negative environment, work in a different office, and avoid toxic gatherings.
3. Begin the healing process
The sad thing about rejection is that it seriously erodes self-esteem. You feel like a failure and lack the motivation to work harder. By the time you realize you need to take action, you are already deep in depression and probably addiction.
A majority of people start by withdrawing; they live in solitude with no one to talk to. As a result, they become lonely and negative thoughts dominate their life. This leads to depression and can breed suicidal thoughts and other health issues. The good news is that this curve can be reversed. The only condition is you need to act now.
4. Use positive affirmations
It pains when no one likes you, there is an overwhelming uneasiness, an ugly emptiness that haunts you all day long. It follows you whenever you walk through the corridors, out in the streets, when sleeping, everywhere you go.
This pain is worse if you live alone. But, you could be having a partner by your side and still be lonely. You could be enjoying healthy family ties and still shudder at the thought of reporting to an office where people dislike you.
The first step in the healing journey is to hush the negative voices of ‘no one likes you’. This needs deliberate efforts. To cancel out negativity, you need to frequently affirm yourself; this helps to restore your self-esteem. Positive affirmations have been proven over the years to bring forth a new life and heal wounded hearts.
From now onwards, stop saying people don’t like you – even if you feel they don’t. Speak positive words to yourself and the situation. Say “I am lovable, I am a good colleague, and I am successful.” Such affirmations will not only set you up for healing but also growth. Your brain hastens to pick up such instructions and put them to work.
I have to warn you though, the results are not instant. This will make part of your daily routine. If you are serious about recovering from depression and finding true happiness, you will commit to this journey.
It is not natural to repeat out loud something that is not currently happening, for example, “I am happy” when you are the exact opposite. It creates tension and anxiety but this is exactly what you need to become the person you need to become.
5. Invest in yourself
Investing in yourself or self-development requires you to set time apart and have a strict plan. It’s important that you start this journey after or during the healing process. The reason being, you may not value the efforts you make if you still hate yourself.
These strategies will cost you time, money, energy, and other resources. However, sparing resources to feed your mind is a powerful tactic of re-building self-confidence. All the energy that would be otherwise invested in self-hate should be channeled to self-investment.
5 important activities that help you invest in yourself
1. Take short courses
Learning a new skill takes time and energy but in return, it has three advantages. One, it acts as a distraction from all the negative energy. Two, you greatly boost your self-esteem and thirdly, it can be another source of income.
2. Read books
The main advantage of reading a book is that you learn from another person’s lifetime experiences almost at an instance. You do not have to make the same mistakes, just learn and practice what you learn. Reading a book is also a great way to get distracted from daily happenings.
May be people don’t like you because you never have time for them. You are always working, always up and about, you really never settle down. If you have some free time, you are either complaining or planning for the next move. Relax, take a deep breath, laugh a bit, and watch a comedy maybe. Go to the spa, or play with your kids. Resting is magical. It refuels the whole body and makes us lively and fun to be around.
4. Become a mentor and a mentee
Is it possible to be both at the same time? Have a senior person – not necessarily age-wise, someone who is ahead of you in business, studies, relationship-wise, and other areas of life. Let them guide you in your career journey, or life in general. Learn from them and benefit from their advice and experiences.
You can also be another person’s support system. As you inspire someone, they challenge you to become better. You also get fulfillment from being another person’s support system. And yes, you can mentor and be mentored at the same time.
5. Choose your influencers
As we grow older, friendships become more strategic than emotional. Award-winning personal coach Jim Rohn, in his teachings on how to deal with the negative influences in your life, says you need to evaluate relationships. Know how each person you spend time with is affecting you. Are they drawing energy from you or are they adding value to you?
You need to analyze your associations critically if you want to grow in life. Keep expanding your associations with people who lead you in the right direction.
While there are scores of ways to invest in your life, you must make choices of where to focus your energies. Nothing happens by chance, this must be intentional, it takes time, effort, and sacrifice but it’s all worth it.
What To Do When No One Likes You At Home
Home is where we should find freedom but because we are different people, with different characters, we often have to adjust so that we accommodate the people we don’t get along.
Here are 4 things to do when no one likes you at home.
1. Be tolerant of other people around you
Yes, unless you are obligated to – maybe you are a parent or guardian, don’t go correcting people’s errors and poking their noses, don’t. Look out for the good in them and thrive on it. When family members gang up against an individual, be the unique one, find a positive side of the issue and dwell on it. Avoid being derailed into cocoons, be a person anyone can approach.
2. Mind your business but mind other’s welfare
During difficult times, people express concern for a few days and then forget. Be that person who makes a follow-up. You may not go to the full extent but at least make a call, send an email, or ask the person face to face if they are nearby.
For instance, after the loss of a family member, most people only make time before and during the burial, after that, the family is forgotten. You will win the hearts of the mourning if you check on them when they least expect someone to.
3. Keep a safe distance
The Good Book teaches in proverbs 25:17 that, if you visit your neighbor too often, you may tire them and that may make them hate you. This is one of the main sources of family rivalry. At first, they may entertain you and keep their doors open for you but with time, this breeds hatred. Be a rare visitor.
4. Offer help to those in need
Everyone goes through a season where they need support; make yourself available once in a while. Young parents sometimes need a moment to relax. If you can be there to give them a break, maybe you can offer to pick their kids from school, babysit, or pick groceries. One act of kindness will go a long way in changing their perception about you.
What To Do When No One Like You At Work
A new job is usually a blessing but it mostly presents new challenges. You may land in an office where everyone treats you like an intruder. Rarely does this continue after people know you and if it does, it can still be corrected?
3 tactics to use when no one likes you in the office.
As simple as it sounds, a smile reflects a happy soul. Whether you have problems or not, smiling is one of the simplest ways of endearing yourself to colleagues; a smile says ‘welcome’. People may not always smile back but keep on smiling. You are not doing it for them; you are doing it for you. Studies show that a simple smile has the ability to trick your brain into happiness.
Smiling triggers a chemical reaction within the brain that releases two hormones, serotonin – a hormone known for stress relief and dopamine, a hormone that is known for increasing feelings of happiness. Whether they end up liking you or not, you can ease the feeling of ‘no one likes u’. You minimize stress; boost your mood and your immunity and enjoy good health as a result.
2. Use compliments
Compliments express kindness and they are a powerful tool for building trust. Besides, people thrive on being noticed. If you take a moment to commend their looks or acts, they will be warm towards you and most probably return the favor.
Complimenting doesn’t cost you anything but it rewards you by driving away the negative energy in you. Instead of noticing people who don’t like you, you will be on the lookout for the next person to compliment. This will eventually make you stand out.
3. Offer help
It is unlikely that your colleagues are always having a good day. It doesn’t take much effort to find a colleague who needs help. Spot one or two prime people and offer them help. It can be with paperwork, advice, or other menial tasks.
Remember to approach them when they are a bit friendly or when they are complaining. Be tactful so you don’t sound like you are intruding. Offer help as if in passing, no big promises. Say, for example, sorry about the workload. If I get a moment I may offer a helping hand.
What To Do When No One Likes You At School
Let me comfort you, most of us had it rough in school. There were bullies, arrogant class presidents, and even worse teachers. The learning methods were not as structured as they are today so chances of looking like a fool were more. And then, there were serious punishments those days, you would be told to clean the whole classroom in the evening, serve everybody in the cafeteria or miss a meal, to mention a few.
Groupings such as the A’ students, the prolific players, the dancers, the rich, and the poor were still there and they were stricter than they are today. But, we went through it.
4 ways to win friends when you realize no one likes you at school
1. Shine at ‘something’
You need to find out what you are good at if you don’t know already. Perfect that skill, learn it relentlessly and let it steal your identity. What this does is to focus attention on what people don’t like to your talent.
2. Show kindness through mentoring others
Choose to mentor fellow students on a given skill so that your talent bears more fruit. When we are young, we fail to realize that helping others is an investment. It may not yield results immediately, but you reap in the end. Sometimes you get clarity as you train someone else, your mentees become a source of motivation or stand up for you when you least expect.
3. Reach out and make new friends and join new groupings
Often, we don’t realize the people who like us because we are pre-occupied focusing our attention on those that don’t. Not everybody hates you, no matter how deeply you feel it. Your friends may alienate you but they are just a part of the crowd. Exploring other clubs, new friends, and past time activities will help you get over the idea that people don’t like you.
4. Align your habits with high values
Be neat, speak respectfully, show kindness, and carry your own stationery. A lot of hatred in school emanates from kids not carrying enough of stationery. This makes them overly dependent on others and eventually causes friction between them. You don’t want to be labeled the kid that smells or the kid who never has a pen.
Always be alert and arrange your bag the previous night to avoid surprises in class. Most importantly, do not pick other kids’ items without permission. Be courteous, borrow, and return after use.
What To Do When No One Likes Your Child
This is the toughest of all. When your child tells you someone doesn’t like them, the first instinct is to negate that statement. You are tempted to say, “That’s not true.” “Please don’t say that.” We want to immediately rise, get on the phone and start getting everybody to like them so they don’t have to go through rejection.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. The child is still learning life skills and only needs you to acknowledge their pain and guide them in finding a solution to the problem. As a parent, your role is to listen to the child, ask leading questions such as “Why do you think so?” and help them to find a solution on their own.
This is an important skill in enabling them to develop coping mechanisms when faced with such challenges in the future. You can also use the moment to teach them empathy. Ask them, whether they notice other children being treated the same and what they think those children feel.
The more we run away from reality, the harder it becomes to find a solution. You need to own that rejection and purpose to make the needful adjustments. Gather courage and declare it’s time to live a fulfilling life.
Check out the following guides to help you or someone else deal with rejection and live a fulfilling life.
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