What to Do When Someone Is Obsessed With You

What is obsession? It is a persistent feeling, idea, or pre-occupation. Obsession starts as a mere attraction and grows as you continue to feed it. You would think it’s easy to get rid of, but it’s not. The trickiest part is that it becomes sweeter as the days go by and unless you purpose to get over it, it will torment you for ages. This article will help you recognize signs of obsession, teach you how to overcome obsession, and show you how to deal with someone who is obsessed with you.

When someone is obsessed with you, try and distance yourself from them. Minimize communication and stay away. If this is not possible, talk to the person about it and reach a compromise. If it persists, seek help. If all that doesn’t work, get a restraining order, and surround yourself with supportive friends who can protect you.

In case you are the obsessed one, don’t let it paralyze you. Divert some of that attention, love, and care towards yourself. This will re-build your self-love and eventually help you to have healthy relationships. Winning the war over obsession makes you more productive, happier, and healthier.

7 Key Signs Someone Is Obsessed With You

1.    They are insecure

Obsessed people have a habit of questioning crucial details of your life. For example, they want to know who sits next to you in the office, whether you talk, what you talk about, if you go to lunch together, basically, everything you do away from them and with who. They are so insecure that at times they may opt to spy on you.

2.    They do not respect your privacy

This is the kind of person who will ransack your bag, check your phone, and probe on the contents. When they visit you, they will make excuses to access every part of your home.

3.    They tend to overwhelm you with communication

They call too many times, mail, and send so many messages and expect instant responses. If you don’t respond, they get jittery and start complaining.

4.    They want to manipulate you

Since they have an image of the ‘perfect you’, they expect you to behave in a certain way. If your conduct doesn’t match this image they have of you, they become upset. They criticize and discourage your authenticity. They want you to live up to their expectations, not yours.

5.    They possess you

If he refers you to as ‘mine’ shortly after meeting you or before you two agree to be in a relationship, that’s a red flag. If he jealously guards you and stops you from interacting with other people and only wants you for himself, I’m afraid, he’s obsessed. 

6.    They resent your friends

Obsessed people are resentful towards your friends because they are jealous. They view everyone around you as a competition. 

7.    They don’t prioritize your needs

They hardly listen, they dominate conversations and for that reason, they may not realize when you are in need. They are pre-occupied with winning you over but often miss out because it’s a selfish pursuit.

How to Overcome Obsession

Healthy relationships include two consenting individuals who though together, still retain the liberty to enjoy individuality. This is different when you are obsessed with someone. You see them as a possession. You want them to match the ideal image you have in your mind. So you face each day expecting them to live up to that perfect image. 

Obviously, this is not healthy. Here is how to overcome it.

4 Healthy Habits to Get Over Obsession

1.    Cultivate self-love

Often, obsession is birthed by low self-esteem and the same issues you struggle with are the ones you expect that other people will be perfect at. Forget for a moment what you think they could be; think about what you could be.

If you can cultivate self-worthiness, talents, and strengths, you will be better positioned to love them soberly.

2.    Expand your networks

Instead of zeroing your love to one person, make other friends, connect with your family more, and spend time with them. This ensures you are not overbearing and makes it possible to enjoy your relationship with the person you are obsessed with.

3.    Seek to know them better

Do you know your friend’s passions, dreams, or their favorite meal? If you have been relating to this person for long yet you are not aware of their interests, you need to re-evaluate that relationship.

Get to know them; you may be surprised that the ideal image in your head is no match for them.

4.    Starve the obsession

Obsession is similar to addiction in that it thrives on small consistent doses of feeding that hunger. If you keep meditating about this person, for instance, checking their photos, status on social media, and other items, you can be sure the obsession will remain. But, if you withdraw these temporal pressures one at a time, you will overcome.

Dealing With Someone Who Is Obsessed With You

Obsessions vary, some feel the same as a normal relationship until one person starts becoming overly demanding. Most obsessed people believe that their love is genuine until you call it out. Here are a few ways of dealing with an obsessed person.

10 Most Effective Ways to Deal with Obsessed People

1.    Realize that they can be Dangerous

Obsession often breeds anger, frustration, disgust, jealousy, all of which are toxic in a relationship. Once you realize that someone is obsessed with you, be more mindful of their actions to prevent them from harming you.

2.    Be empathetic

Try to understand their behavior. Obsessed people tend to have an underlying mental problem, it may stem from poor upbringing hence making them have low self-esteem. Avoid being harsh when dealing with them, even when not in agreement, show kindness.

3.    Communicate

Communication is crucial to an obsessed person. Maybe you cannot manage to reply to all the text and calls but at least respond once in a while and be consistent. If for instance, you feel there is no chance of falling in love with them, repetitively state it in your messages.

4.    Develop a healthy friendship

For someone with mild obsession, giving them a chance to pour their heart out may help you as you forge the way forward. Choose a central place to meet them. It needs to be an open (safe) place. Talk extensively and chat the way forward. Who knows? You might develop a healthy friendship afterward.

5.    Discourage them politely

You can, for instance, say, “Thanks for your text but as I always tell you, I am not looking for a relationship.” Don’t overly explain your response, simply state the facts.

Trying to explain away their inappropriate behavior may give them a leeway to persist. It’s more advisable you simply express disagreement.

6.    Stay away

Distancing yourself from an obsessed person affirms your message. It is a great way to limit interaction between you and the person obsessed with you. Define your boundaries, this will help clear any doubts especially if that person happens to be a friend.

Note, this may cause resentment because obsessive people hate it when they can’t have you all to themselves, still, distancing yourself from them offers one of the best ways to deal with it.

7.    Have a support system

Obsession can sometimes lead to violent behavior. It’s prudent to alert your friends and close colleagues so that they can act as your buffer when need be. Alerting your close associations also gives you some peace of mind knowing someone is on the lookout.

8.    Seek help

Begin with approaching the person’s relations – family and friends. Have them approach and engage them on the effects of their obsession. This may effectively deal with the issue.

If this does not resolve the issue, recommend professional help. They may be unaware of their weakness and probably talking to a psychiatrist will help them find sobriety.

Realize this may also be a medical issue. Psychological conditions such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can cause such chronic obsessions.

9.    End communication

If you have tried all these tactics and nothing is working, avert all forms of communication, be it messaging, texts, emails, social media sites, or visits. Block their phone calls and social media update notifications. Additionally, avoid those events they frequent – where you know you’re likely to meet them.

10.  Get a Restraining order

I hope you don’t get here but if you feel threatened and the person still clings to you and does not seem to change even after asking them to stop, talk to an authority. You may talk to your manager at work, your principle in school, or alert the police. A restraining order can be issued to help control the situation and keep you safe.

Final Note

I doubt if there is anyone who can proudly say they are immune to obsession. Apart from people, we obsess over things such as a home, car, education, talent, and many other possessions. None of us is safe from this weakness since we all tend to love a little more. The only solution is we keep evaluating ourselves to see if we are continually maintaining a balance in all areas of our lives.

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Am a graduate sociologist and a regular contributor to national publications such as the American Journal of Economics and Sociology, Journal of Applied Social Science and the Annual Review of Sociology.

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