What to Do When Your Boyfriend Forgets Your Birthday

I hope you are reading this out of curiosity and not because he did it. I know how deeply it hurts when your boyfriend forgets your birthday. But guys do forget you know, they don’t treasure birthdays as much as we do, it’s just not in their nature. On the contrary, girls remember every birthday; we remember the gifts we have received over the years, who gave us, and what they made us feel. We remember every detail of what happened and unfortunately, we also remember what didn’t.

When your boyfriend forgets your birthday, take it easy, it could be a genuine mistake. It doesn’t necessarily mean he no longer likes you (although it could also be the case). Try to remind him using hints, maybe you can send him a memorable photo of a past birthday, or propose a date and insist that it be on your birthday. You can also use your friends to casually remind him and if that doesn’t work, face it, and gently remind him. As you do this, minimize your expectations, you surely don’t want to get disappointed again.

The best way of dealing with your boyfriend is to manage your expectations. If you do not want to get hurt, find a way of reminding him ahead of time. Tell him how important this day is to you, and place a reminder. You can mark it on his desk calendar or put a reminder on his phone. If you are really close, you can politely suggest what kind of gifts or celebrations you like.

The challenge with this is that you need to be extremely creative not to sound demanding – especially if the relationship is young. His reaction will guide you on how far into detail you can go. In case his birthday comes earlier, you can set the pace by doing something special for him so he knows how special he is to you. This also automatically places expectations on him.

Most girls do the exact opposite though. You remain quiet about it, he has no idea your birthday is coming up but you expect him to know (miraculously). You also expect that he will read your mind and surprise you with the perfect gift. If this doesn’t happen, you personalize it and throw tantrums. How in the world do you expect that to happen?

What ‘NOT’ to do when your boyfriend forgets your birthday

I can’t tell you not to make a big deal out of your birthday, it is a big deal. But I can tell you unrealistic expectations will only hurt you and your relationship. Your reaction depends on how close you are and how well you know each other. Maybe he doesn’t know you that much. Placing high expectations on him will only make him feel like he has failed you – men hate that by the way. Here is the right way to do it.

4 Things ‘NOT’ To Do When Your Boyfriend Forgets Your Birthday

1.    DO NOT assume your birthday is on top of his to-do list.

Seriously, he has his own schedule. If he is a busy person, he has his days filled with activities.

2.    DO NOT leave him guessing what you want.

He won’t read your mind. Just say it.

3.    DO NOT plan and invite him last minute.

Unless you know his schedule back to back. Know that no matter how predictable he is, he may still not want to come last minute.

4.    DO NOT compare your boyfriend with other men.

They hate it! Ask politely for whatever you want and be open-minded, he may agree to take part but he can also disagree.

4 Things to do When Someone Forgets Your Birthday

1.    Remind him with hints

Intentionally leave an old birthday card on the kitchen table or another common area. If you live together, wake up early prepare a good breakfast and wear a birthday hat. This will make him curious and you can ride on that.

2.    Use a friend to pass the message

Another creative way of reminding him is having your common friend remind him. They can call him and say, “We were thinking of doing something special for ‘Jane’ on her birthday, any clues on what would impress her?” or “do you have any idea what Jane would like for her birthday? I am looking for a gift and I can’t think of any.”

 Alternatively, your friend can ask him to accompany him or her while going to search for the gift.

3.    Plan a party and invite him

I know this works because I have tested it. I made plans for dinner at my favorite joint and requested him to make time after work. He was so elated at the plan. He said “oh man! I almost forgot today is your birthday, thanks for the invite, I will be there.” He made my birthday so pleasurable because he came early, came with two of his friends, and to top it up, he footed the bill. How cool is that? Did I mention he came with a gift? His friends brought gifts too.

This plan works best if you have a few noisy friends. You need them for the hype otherwise it will be a quiet boring dinner. As a precaution, prepare to pay the bill lest your birthday turns into an embarrassment.

4.    Treat Yourself

What if you do all this and he still forgets your birthday? I suggest you treat yourself and leave evidence all over the place. This may make him apologetic and trigger him to make it up for you or he will act like he doesn’t care. If he shows no signs of remorse, maybe he is sending you a message – he doesn’t care about you that much. It’s hurting but that’s the truth.

Final Note

It’s hurting when someone you deeply care about forgets your birthday. Maybe you have sent all the hints but they still miss it. Girl, take heart, forgive him. You never know what he may be thinking. It could be he has no regard for birthdays. Focus on other important aspects of the relationship. If your friendship matters to you, ‘drop the charges’ and move on.

Find out How To Tell Someone What You Want For Your Birthday

How to Know If Someone Cares About You


Am a graduate sociologist and a regular contributor to national publications such as the American Journal of Economics and Sociology, Journal of Applied Social Science and the Annual Review of Sociology.

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