When Someone Falls Out Of Love with You

When we fall in love, we enter into this passion-filled fun bubble full of ecstasy and romance. We feel extremely happy and everything seems perfect. Wait until our partner starts falling out of love, the laughter ceases, the conversations become rare, and we start the terrible road towards breaking up. No one likes it when their partner falls out of love, it’s devastating. But, don’t beat yourself up, it’s human. This article will help you to recognize the signs that someone has fallen out of love, understand why people fall out of love suddenly, and teach you what to do when someone falls out of love with you.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend falls out of love with you and that spark of love fades, try to reignite it again from within, purpose to rebuild your confidence and self-love. If you can think of those small things that caused happiness in the beginning, resume doing them. Also, talk to your partner about your resolve to rekindle your love and lead by example.

Why Do People Fall Out Of Love?

First, it’s never that sudden, it’s just that we find it hard to call it out. The truth is we see it coming. It starts as a mild battle within and before we know it, it’s full-blown. Here are the most prevalent reasons as to why people fall out of love.

7 Top Reasons Why People Fall Out Of Love Suddenly

1.    The spark (excitement) fades away

Most relationships start on a high note with much excitement and energy. But after a while, you get used to each other and the mysterious joy dwindles.

2.    Infidelity/lies

Lies birth mistrust, period. I don’t need to tell you what mistrust does, do I?

3.    Scarcity of resources

When relationships face hardships, people find consolation in resources such as money and time. In the absence of hope to sustain a connection fails and people walk away from that. Your lover does not walk away from you but from the situation – the emptiness.

4.    Life strains

These could be internal or external; examples include disease, job demands, intense travel, and sudden growth/promotion. Fame and pressures that come with it may also cause disconnect resulting in fallouts.

5.    Incompatible objectives

Unfortunately, you only get to realize your partner’s life goals when you start settling down. Maybe it has been your heart’s desire to own a permanent home with a backyard since childhood. On the contrary, your partner wants none of that. He wants to travel the world, live anywhere, and adventure.

6.    Unfulfilled longings

We enter into the space of love with loads of expectations and unfortunately, we’re bled in a culture of receiving. So we keep waiting, you wait on your partner to go the extra mile while they are also secretly waiting for you.

When that longing of fulfillment tallies for long and there’s no hope of being attended to, we fill our hearts with other temporal pleasures – mostly sinful. These pleasures could be pornography, emotional cheating, or drugs. Although they are temporal, they cause a drift and can lead to complete fallout.

7.    Ungratefulness

So, you have been doing all these nice things for your lover and they don’t seem to notice. You sacrifice your time, your money, and basically do all you can within your power to make them happy then the response you get is, “you didn’t have to do that” or “what was that for?”

Signs Someone Has Fallen Out Of Love

Author Gary Chapman introduced us to the 5 languages of love, but he left one aspect out, the aspect of falling out of love. It’s painful and not nearly as easy as it sounds. Your partner may never tell you upfront that they are drifting away. Maybe they are yet to admit that it’s happening. So, here are the signs to look out for.

9 Signs Someone Has Fallen Out Of Love with You

1.    They don’t desire to spend time with you.

They often go out alone or with friends. Whenever you ask “Are you avoiding me?” the answer is always vague. For instance, “No, why would I?” or “Where is that coming from?” If you are feeling neglected, most probably you are being neglected.

2.    They seem unusually secretive

Previously, you were the first to know their plans, feelings, and thoughts. Suddenly, you have to dig to know what they are up to. This could mean they no longer feel secure in that relationship or they are falling out of love.

3.    They no longer care about your sex life

Men especially regard sex highly; don’t be surprised if he bases the success of the relationship on its quantity and quality. The opposite happens when he is falling out; he no longer cares about intimacy. Whenever you bring it up, excuses supersede the desire to get intimate.

4.    They don’t seek your opinion when making decisions

You walk into the house and there’s new furniture. He never mentioned it to you and when you ask he acts as if that’s nothing. We all value our assets and so we talk about it to the people closest to us. This should ‘ring a bell.

5.    They are holding on to past grudges

If each time you have a disagreement several past grudges are replayed, the relationship is in danger. A healthy relationship is built on forgiveness. You should never feel as if you are paying for past errors over and over.

6.    Communication lines are broken

You always end up arguing whenever you are discussing an issue. You are also forced to stick to basics, maybe a good morning, good night, and how was your day. The usual chit-chat is long gone and you no longer feel safe to start a conversation since you don’t know which way it’ll go.

7.    You are emotionally drained

You are no longer excited about anything. It feels as if everything is working against you. Fear, anger, confusion, stress, and boredom characterize your days.

8.    They no longer care about your feelings

Disrespectful language, insults, and sarcasm have become prevalent. They no longer apologize or show remorse for wrongful actions and words.

9.    You are already envisioning the end of the relationship

Consciously or unconsciously, you have started thinking of where you will move to, how you will arrange your home, and what you will need to buy. It’s as if you are living on probation in that relationship.

What to Do When Someone Falls Out Of Love with You

The pivotal moment in a relationship is when you realize that your feelings are not sufficient to sustain your connection. When your partner closes off, slows down on communication, and becomes unavailable, the relationship automatically enters a new phase. Here is what you can do.

1.    Go back to the basics

Go back to early morning and late-night texts, tiny thoughtful gifts, love notes, special meals, surprises, and all the sweet things you used to do. Sometimes people fall out of love because they feel neglected or bored.

2.    Re-kindle the love within you

The beautiful fact about love is that it comes from within. Just like joy, peace, anger, and misery, any good feeling we experience while in love comes from within. Our partner, the environment, and the experiences only enhance what we already have and nobody can take that away from us.

When someone falls out of love with you, choose to fall in love with yourself.

3.    Initiate the healing process

Neglect, rejection, and shame are some of the hurtful feelings generated by someone falling out. You can either chose to fan the falling out by focusing on these pains and building a virtual wall of protection around yourself, or you can initiate a re-connection.

You can initiate healing by seeking spiritual help through meditation and prayer. Once you rekindle your love for them, help your partner to regain ground as well.

4.    Be the peace police

During fall outs, arguments are almost inevitable. Each person wants to redeem themselves from being the ones to blame. However, this mostly erupts into a major fight if no one wants to step down.

This is your opportunity to walk the high road. Avoid arguing or forcing solutions. Instead, take a step back and let your partner make an independent decision. It is a hard step to take but it’s worth it.

5.    Give your partner space

The heart at this time desires the extreme opposite but giving your partner space gives them an opportunity to re-think and re-energize

You can use the spare time to have fun with your friends, entertain yourself, travel or engage in activities you haven’t been having time for such as visiting family and friends.

6.    Self-love

We know you feel awful – just don’t look it; don’t act it either. Go for that hairdo, dress well, eat balanced meals. Keep in perfect shape – go to the gym or follow routine exercises at home, read inspirational material, and listen or watch motivational content. Sometimes that’s all you need to do to arouse positive emotions in your partner.

7.    Seek counsel

When life’s rough tides come our way, nothing seems to hold. A counselor comes in handy in helping us to find a solution. Self-help material can also help at such a time.

Final Note

Fallout time is a time to give. It is a painful process but giving works wonders. Start by forgiving yourself and your partner for any wrong turns in your relationship, follow that with showing kindness and understanding – these are the true acts of love. You can do this by gently talking to your partner about your feelings and expectations

When Someone Ignores You – What Does That Mean

What to Do When He Pulls Away and Comes Back


Am a graduate sociologist and a regular contributor to national publications such as the American Journal of Economics and Sociology, Journal of Applied Social Science and the Annual Review of Sociology.

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